


What is Beauty

by Aria6



Series: A Coyote's Stories [26]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 19:39:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3352922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria6/pseuds/Aria6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was partly inspired by One Moment by The Dream Whisperer, which was in turn inspired by my work. We have a mutual admiration thing going. ^_^ There will be more but… do you guys want a happy ending or not? I have two ideas and one is depressing.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was partly inspired by One Moment by The Dream Whisperer, which was in turn inspired by my work. We have a mutual admiration thing going. ^_^ There will be more but… do you guys want a happy ending or not? I have two ideas and one is depressing.

_I have done the wrong thing._

He stood over the body, looking at the empty grey eyes and the rapidly cooling flesh. His hands tightened on the swords of blue reishi in his hands, feeling the power snarling in them. Had he truly done this? Had he just taken a life, with his own will and hands? The blue power of his swords had burned the blood away but he could feel it on his uniform. The thin fabric was sticking to his skin. It made him feel sick.

_This is a dream. This is not real. I cannot have done this…_ He swallowed and blinked, feeling bile in the back of his throat. He knew, in the back of his mind, that it was absurd for a hollow to feel this way. He'd killed thousands, millions of other hollows merely by existing. But that was the point. It had happened because he existed and because he could not stop it. It had never happened because he'd been holding a weapon and chosen to use it.

"Ah, Starrk." Warm arms slid around him, finding the wetness of his uniform and playing with the fabric. There was hot breath in his ear, so hot it was almost searing. "You are so beautiful like this, covered in blood, sweat and tears." Aizen's voice murmured and he blinked.

"I am?" He said, wondering if that could be true. Was there a kind of beauty in such horror, a grace in pain? But if Aizen said it, it must be true. And his god had told him that his pain was beautiful before. Yet, he had meant the pain of his body, the blood of his own wounds. Strangely, he found that easier to tolerate than the blood of someone else. "I am… glad to have pleased you, Aizen-sama." That was the right response. There was a laugh behind him and he was being shoved down, too close to that still warm body. Yet, he went with grace, kneeling before his lord and master.

"Let me show you how beautiful you are." A hand gripped his hair, pulling his head back and exposing the column of his throat. Starrk reached for Lilinette but he still could not find her. Was she gone forever? Had the taichou somehow destroyed her? That thought caused him immense pain and yet, the guilt over the man's death still remained. "Starrk. Are you paying attention to me?" There was danger there and Starrk blinked, refocusing his single eye.

"Of course, Aizen-sama." He said obediently before hesitating slightly. "…Aizen-sama? There is a battle…" And it wasn't going terribly well for Halibel and her fraccion. Yet he proposed to fuck his minion then and there? Because Starrk was absolutely certain that was what Aizen wanted of him. Aizen chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"Ah, Starrk. Halibel must prove she is worthy of serving me. You have already done so, with Kyoraku's death." He explained and Starrk nodded like a puppet, feeling overwhelmed by the heat in Aizen's body, the touch of his hand against his cold skin. He was chilling, as the sweat of his battle dried. "No one will see us. They see only what I will… so let me give you proof of my favor."

"Yes, Aizen-sama." Starrk murmured, hardly feeling it as he was pulled down and his legs spread. His hakama fell away and he arched as Aizen sheathed himself in him, filling him with a quick, painful suddenness. The pain was excruciating but was quickly matched with an equally blinding pleasure and he clung to the shoulders of his god, accepting the feelings he was given and giving joy in return. As they mated, Starrk's gaze fell on the torn black clothing, the limp hand lying palm to the sky and the puddle of blood that was too close, threatening to reach them. And even in the middle of pleasing his god, it made him wonder.

_Is this really beautiful, Aizen-sama?_

* * *

_Am I truly the only one left?_

Starrk knelt on the cushion beside the throne, tasting blood and ashes in the back of his throat. Several captive taichou were also there, kneeling in front of the throne. They had no cushions for their knees. To Starrk, it seemed like the only difference between them.

None of the other Espada had survived. Halibel had failed and vanished, just like Barragan. Only Starrk had been deemed a success and preserved, shielded from notice by Aizen's power as he took on the remaining Visored and shinigami. Starrk had marveled at his power and skill, the might that truly made Aizen a god.

Yet now, he was alone. Unless he counted the taichou in front of him, waiting on Aizen's pleasure. Starrk let his gaze travel over them and felt sadness as he met the brown eyes of the white haired man. There was no hate there, no condemnation. Just a soul deep pain, a mourning that hurt him more cruelly than hate ever could. Starrk looked down, feeling the guilt choking him. Why did he feel like this? The other man would have killed him, had tried very hard to do it.

Aizen took his seat in his throne and Starrk remained pliant and accepting as a hand ran through his hair, a gentle but possessive gesture. Oddly enough, that seemed to bother the shinigami taichou. He wondered why but could come up with no explanation.

Aizen's voice just rolled over him as he spoke to his captives. Starrk ignored it, keeping his attention on his god, as he knew Aizen wanted. He vaguely understood that his lord and master was giving the taichou a choice… to serve him or be imprisoned in a place called the Maggot's Nest. Just the name didn't sound very pleasant and yet, two of the captives chose that fate. The others consented to obey Aizen, semi-graceful in their defeat.

"Now, Starrk." Aizen turned his attention to him with a benevolent smile. Starrk just gazed up at him attentively. Nothing else mattered. "If I could, I would bring Lilinette back to you. Alas, I cannot." He said regretfully and Starrk flinched. That was his greatest desire. "She is lost too deep in your soul collection and bringing her out forcefully might harm you. Perhaps you will find her naturally, someday." He said and Starrk swallowed before nodding. "However, you have earned a reward. Is there anything else you desire?" Aizen said, his voice warm and kind. Starrk wondered if it was a trap. He knew it would be wise to deny any wishes, but…

"There… is something, Aizen-kami. But I understand if you cannot grant it." He murmured, looking up at Aizen through his eyelashes. His god might be angry at him for his request. "The shinigami who fell to my blade. Can he be… returned?" Could Aizen do that? But he was kami, now. The Soul King's throne answered to him. Starrk vaguely heard a gasp of surprise but kept his gaze on Aizen. He could not let his attention falter for even a moment.

"Ah, Starrk. You regret his death?" Aizen's voice was amused and Starrk kept himself completely pliant as his lord and master cupped his chin, raising his face so their eyes met. "You are so ridiculously tender hearted, for a hollow. I always feared that would lead you to fail… but you did overcome it, in the end. Yet now you desire this? You do realize he is the reason your Lilinette is no longer with you?" He said and that made Starrk close his eyes in pain. And yet…

"No Aizen-kami. Lilinette is gone because I failed her." He said hoarsely and saw a flicker of surprise across his master's face. "I did not fight hard enough." Aizen looked at him for a long moment before nodding slowly. Hands released his face and Starrk let himself fall back onto his haunches.

"Very true. You are both self-aware and fair in your judgments." Aizen murmured before smiling. It was warm but with a cruel edge. "Very well. I will grant your request." There was another gasp and Aizen turned to look at the waiting taichou. "However, he is a dangerous man, clever and powerful. I will return him but only with the power of a fukutaichou. He will no longer be capable of bankai." He said and Starrk blinked, daring to glance at the assembled taichou. Many of them seemed dismayed but the white haired one just looked overjoyed. "Perhaps Kyoraku could serve you in that capacity, Ukitake?" Aizen sounded like he was teasing and the white haired taichou looked down, a sudden flash of pain crossing his face. Starrk suspected that whoever had held the position previously was dead. "It will take me several days. You are dismissed." All of the taichou began to leave, except for the two who had chosen the Maggot's Nest. They were escorted out by some of Aizen's new guards. The rest would have their retaining collars removed so they could take up their old duties. Starrk wearily wondered who would be the first to plot against Aizen.

Knowing his lord and master, he was already looking forward to crushing a few rebellions.

* * *

Starrk did not go to see Kyoraku Shunsui after his resurrection.

To the Espada, it was enough to know that the man was alive. He really had no desire to see the one who had deprived him of half his soul, left him feeling so broken and lost. He knew it was his own fault and accepted the responsibility, but it did not mean he wanted to seek the man out.

Of course, that only resulted in Shunsui coming to see him. Really, he should have anticipated that… but Starrk lived at Aizen's Palace, now. Aizen preferred not to stay in the Celestial realm so he'd used his power to create this beautiful thing, taking over some of the lands that had previously belonged to a noble clan. They hadn't dared protest, or perhaps he had compensated them in some way.

Starrk was sleeping in the gardens when he was roughly roused by a hand violently shaking him.

"Lilinette?" He said groggily although that touch, despite the roughness, was far gentler than her usual methods. Then he blinked as his mind caught up with reality. She was gone and this must be one of Aizen's servants. "…" But no, that was wrong too. He gazed into a face that was both amused and cautious as the hand released him.

"I'm sorry for the rudeness, Espada-san. But I could not wake you." Shunsui said and Starrk swallowed, sitting up. This was a great surprise to him.

"It is fine. I'm used to it." Really, that was the bare minimum of force required to wake him. "I'm surprised Aizen allowed you to come here." Really, that seemed strange to him and made him very afraid. What kind of test was this? It had to be something. Those grey eyes regarded him thoughtfully for a moment before Shunsui sat down beside him.

"You know, you don't have to stay here. You could explore Soul Society." Shunsui's eyes lingered on his hole and mask fragment, but in an assessing way. "You control your reiatsu quite well. A proper shirt and no one would know your nature." He offered and Starrk lowered his gaze. That… hurt. Because if she were there, Lilinette would be urging him to do just that. She would be bored with the gardens he was lingering in.

"Perhaps…" Or perhaps not. Starrk lifted his gaze, feeling dead inside as he looked at the man beside him. He was just the same, wearing a new straw hat and the familiar kimono. The only sign of his 'death' was his diminished reiatsu. The pool of power he owned was greatly lowered, just as Aizen had said it would be. "But I doubt you came here for that." Shunsui smiled and Starrk's breath caught in his throat. His smile… it was beautiful.

"No, I came to thank you. I've always so enjoyed being alive. I could hardly believe it when Juushiro told me this was your doing." Shunsui glanced around, before speaking soberly, touching what he knew was a great wound. "I am sorry for your loss." He said and Starrk swallowed before shaking his head.

"It was my fault." He said quietly, tasting the bitter truth of it. Lilinette's dissolution had given him the strength to kill the man across from him. Nothing else could have and that had been his failure. He hadn't wanted to kill and that had cost him the one most precious to him. "I should have killed you when Wonderweiss gave me the opening." So stupid… A hand went down on his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Yes, you should have." The shinigami agreed and Starrk blinked. "But don't be ashamed of your humanity, Starrk. Regretting death the way you do… the guilt you feel… I think you are a much better man than me." Shunsui said sadly and Starrk stared at him. Humanity? He was a hollow… but then, what else could this feeling be called? "If I had killed you I would have felt some regret, but it would have been fleeting. I've killed far too many enemies, over the years."

"…You were my first." Starrk whispered, feeling the pain again. Yet, it was muted by the man's presence. Shunsui was very much alive and didn't even seem to regret the loss of his power. "My first intentional death." He couldn't really remember being an adjuchas, the lives he must have taken to become vasto lorde. "Did you feel like this, the first time?" He suddenly asked. Was this normal? Shunsui let go of him and Starrk almost regretted the loss of his hand as he looked away.

"Mmm… no. But the circumstances that led me to kill someone the first time were very unfortunate." He said after a moment and Starrk wondered what story was behind that. But he wasn't going to ask, if Shunsui did not want to tell him. "I didn't have time to think about it until much, much later and I mostly felt relieved… but that was hardly typical. The first time I killed someone who might not have deserved to die… yes, I felt guilt." He said before looking at him. Grey eyes met grey and to Starrk, Shunsui's suddenly looked very old and wise. The shinigami made him feel like a child and perhaps, he was. After all, for all his age he had very little experience to draw on. Nothing but endless sand and boredom to fill his days. "It dulls, in time. And surely my resurrection has helped?"

"Yes. I just remember it, sometimes." Starrk bit his lip, remembering the nightmares he sometimes had. Shunsui lying in a pool of blood, eyes glazing with death as Aizen's voice told him to appreciate the beauty of the moment. And every time he tried, but he couldn't. All he felt was horror, despair and painful, bitter grief. That was not something he could share with the man beside him, though. It was wrong to even feel it. Aizen-kami was right in all things. "I… do you regret the loss of your reiatsu?" He asked, hoping to take their conversation to something less painful. There was a warm chuckle beside him.

"Kami, no!" That ready denial made him blink. "It's almost a relief. You know, when you're a taichou as powerful as I was you have to be so careful with the youngsters. Always keeping your reiatsu in check… I can afford to be more careless now. It reminds me of my days at the Academy." He said easily and Starrk ventured a tentative smile.

"I understand." And he did. His own reiatsu was like a ball and chain, holding him back. It was strange to think that a shinigami might have a similar problem although Aizen… Aizen's reiatsu had isolated him, too. He'd always treasured Starrk for the way he could fully unleash his power without fear of hurting the Espada. Starrk had thought that Aizen was unique among the shinigami but it seemed he was a bit wrong in that. "I was much the same, although as a hollow my reiatsu was… voracious." That was the main difference. Kyoraku's power might have crushed those around him, but probably not literally. Starrk's power had sucked souls relentlessly. "Aizen freed me from that." Although he would have to be careful in Soul Society. Even the weakest adjuchas was stronger than a mere plus soul. "Perhaps I will leave the palace." Aizen had given him no real duties. He was free to come and go. Shunsui smiled warmly at him and Starrk found it enchanting.

"If you do, come to the Thirteenth. We can play a game of shogi." He said and Starrk nodded, although he had no idea what shogi was. He watched the man depart, feeling deeply conflicted. He knew Aizen well and was certain his lord and master was watching, waiting to see what he would do. And yet…

He wanted to see Shunsui smile at him again.

* * *

Starrk slouched through the Seireitei, wandering at random.

He'd very diffidently approached Aizen with his desire to wander, deciding that it would be best to have permission first. Aizen had given it with a benevolent smile, amused at his request. After that the servants had helped make something suitable. He was wearing robes and hakama that made him look like a shinigami, along with a thick orange scarf that hid his mask fragment and hole. And gloves, of course, but black this time. His belt was yellow silk, decorated with a heavy bronze medallion. Starrk dropped a hand to it, running his fingers over the surface. The color matched the hilt bindings of his sword.

"…" Starrk wondered what to do, where to go. Not for the first time, he desperately missed Lilinette. She would have dozens of ideas. His eyes misted over but then he shook his head, trying to dismiss the thought. She was gone unless he could somehow find her again. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to find that annoying yet beloved presence. There was nothing but an aching void. The shove to his shoulder was almost welcome, making him blink and look. But the man who had pushed him was ignoring him, walking down the street. "…?" Starrk blinked as he realized he was standing around like an idiot. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he started to walk.

The Seireitei was remarkable to him. Starrk really had no idea what most of the people there were doing. He could remember nothing of his time as an adjuchas, let alone being human. It was all completely foreign to him and he longed for someone to explain. Perhaps…?

Starrk kept his eye open for a shinigami. Eventually, he happened to see one. The woman was doing nothing in particular, just eating something. He hesitated a moment before accosting her.

"Forgive me. Could you tell me the way to the Thirteenth Division?" He asked diffidently. She swallowed the little fish she was eating before wiping off her fingers. Then she pointed.

"That direction. Go down this road until you reach the shop with the red awning, then go that way. You can't miss it." The directions seemed a bit vague to Starrk but he was willing to have a try. The shop with the awning was easy to find – what were most of the shops selling and how did you go about buying things? – but the rest of it became troublesome. He had to ask for directions twice more before he finally fetched up at the Thirteenth Division. Then he kept wandering, feeling a bit like a blind dog lost in a new room. Eventually, someone noticed his helpless confusion.

"Excuse me, are you lost?" A young man asked and Starrk latched onto him like a limpet.

"Yes. I am looking for Kyoraku Shunsui?" He said and the man frowned at him, clearly noticing there was something strange about him. "Or Ukitake Juushiro?" Shunsui had said the white haired taichou would like to speak to him. At least, he thought so. Maybe he was misremembering but at least the other man wouldn't hate him.

"Kyoraku fukutaichou isn't in. But I can show you to Ukitake taichou. May I ask who you are?" The man asked and Starrk sighed to himself. But he had to admit to his identity sooner or later.

"Coyote Starrk, Primera Espada." He said briefly and the shinigami's eyes widened. "I do not want to stand on ceremony…" He shoved his hands deeper in his pockets and slouched a bit more, emphasizing his non-threatening posture. The young man swallowed before nodding.

"Follow me." Starrk trailed along behind, looking around with interest. All the buildings in the Seireitei were completely foreign to him. Vaguely, he wondered what they were made of. Los Noches had been created from the sand of Hueco Mundo but where did these materials come from? Trees? Starrk knew what trees looked like now but some of this did not seem to be wood…

Any thoughts of building materials left him as he was ushered into Ukitake's office. The man behind the desk stood with a smile that was surprisingly friendly.

"Starrk-san! I wondered if you would come. Please leave us, Saito-kun." He said to the man behind Starrk, who bowed and showed himself out. "I hope you don't mind me calling you that?"

"Not at all." Starrk said, wondering what else he would be called. Although… "You can just call me Starrk. Everyone does." Or everyone had, back when there was anyone else. Starrk flinched a bit at the thought before taking a seat on one of the cushions. Juushiro smiled before returning to his own cushion.

"I was hoping you would come to see us. I want to thank you, personally. Shunsui has been my friend forever. When I found out he had died, it was like I had lost a piece of myself." He said and Starrk flinched, visibly, at the painful reminder of his own loss. The shinigami's eyes widened as he suddenly realized what he had just said. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"It's fine. I understand." Starrk said quickly. It was just a very unfortunate choice of words. "I'm glad Aizen was able to return him to you." When he'd made his request he'd been prepared to hear that it was impossible. Juushiro nodded. "I'm hoping that the loss of his power…?" That still worried him a bit. He knew what would have happened to an arrancar who lost even a portion of their power and it wasn't nice. Well, the Privaron Espada were a good example of that. Juushiro smiled, his eyes warming.

"It's fine. His power was never the most important thing about him." He said so sincerely that the Espada couldn't doubt it. Starrk relaxed a little, venturing a smile. "But I'm forgetting my manners. Would you like some tea?"

"Please." The liquid would calm his nerves, a bit. Starrk took the cup and slowly sipped, enjoying the heat of the beverage. "I, um… was wondering, though, if you could help me with something?" It was a bit silly, perhaps, but he really needed help. Juushiro blinked at him, surprised. "I… don't know how things work here." Starrk knew he sounded pathetic and lost, but that was fine. He WAS pathetic and lost. "I know what a shop is but how do you buy things? Aizen gave me these but I don't know how they work?" He pulled out the items from his pockets, looking at them helplessly. There was a choking sound and Starrk looked up to see Juushiro's lips twitching.

"That's money, Starrk-san. You use it to buy things." Starrk stared at him imploringly and Juushiro finally laughed. "Ah, I'm sorry! It's just too funny. Shunsui should be back soon, if you're willing to wait. I'm sure he would love to show you around." Juushiro said with a twinkle in his eye and Starrk felt deeply relieved.

"I would be glad to wait. If there's a good place to sleep?" He asked hopefully and soon was lying on a very comfortable couch. It had an armrest in just the right place… Starrk snored softly as he caught up on his sleep, vaguely aware of the sound of people passing by, voices speaking back and forth. It was very pleasant and lured him into a deeper sleep.

Until a hand on his shoulder woke him.

"Uh?" Starrk yawned and blinked. "Shunsui?" He recognized the touch, this time. Shunsui smiled down at him and Starrk blinked as he suddenly had a bizarre urge to reach up and touch his trailing bang. He mastered the impulse and sat up, yawning again into his hand.

"It's good to see you again. Juushiro's told me you would like an introduction to Soul Society?" That was a good way to phrase it and Starrk nodded, looking at the other man hopefully. Shunsui smiled again, the edges of his eyes crinkling in a way that made Starrk stare in fascination. Aizen smiled fairly often but he never looked that… happy. And unlike Aizen's smiles, which always gave him a feeling of menace, there was nothing threatening about Shunsui. "Come with me. I'll show you everything!"

"I appreciate it." Starrk said gratefully, standing. Shunsui chuckled softly before leading him out. The Espada followed behind, wondering what he would see and what he would learn. He was full of curiosity about his new home.

He wanted to know everything.

* * *

Much later that day.

"Hrrrrrrck." Starrk groaned as he tried desperately to throw up. He needed to throw up. He needed it! "Gk… kkkhhh…" He finally managed it. Everything he'd eaten and drunk for the evening, mostly drunk, came up in a rush. That was bad but when he removed the cause, the nausea finally eased. Starrk rested his forehead against the wall, gasping quietly as a hand gently rubbed circles into his back.

"My apologies, Starrk-san. I should have realized you would never have had alcohol." Shunsui sounded apologetic and Starrk closed his eyes, just enjoying that touch.

"It… tasted much better going down." He said weakly, leaning against the other man as an arm went around his shoulders. "I feel so…" He felt strange, confused and weak. And his reiatsu was not fully under control anymore. Thankfully, he was surrounded by shinigami who could at least survive his strength. But he'd seen many of them wincing away from him. Even for those with power, the weight of his reiatsu was not pleasant.

"I know. Come with me. Juushiro won't mind if we use his office and it has kido wards meant to contain the strength of a taichou." Starrk wondered if that would be enough to hold him but wasn't going to question it. Even walking was a challenge at the moment.

"Thank you." He said instead. He'd had an absolutely wonderful day with Kyoraku Shunsui. He'd learned how to buy things, what stores sold, how money worked… he'd seen things he'd never imagined, like a stream flowing through the city. He'd walked over a pedestrian bridge and looked into the water. There was no water at all in Hueco Mundo. Through it all, Shunsui had tolerated his wide eyed innocence, his undoubtedly stupid questions. Starrk was very grateful to him.

"It's nothing." There was something odd in Shunsui's voice but Starrk ignored it, putting his weight on the other man. He was being eased down onto a couch. The same one as before? Yes, and it was just as comfortable. Starrk yawned then blinked as he felt Shunsui still there? "Hmm… why not?" Starrk opened his mouth to say something, ask a question, but then he was silenced with a kiss.

"…!" Starrk half-closed his eyes, his mouth moving automatically, his body responding without thought. He molded himself to the man above him, feeling the hard lines, the firm muscles. Like Aizen but slightly heavier. Shoulders that were broader, a different body to fit himself to. "Shunsui." He breathed, vaguely aware that he was doing something stupid, foolish beyond words. No one should touch him like this but Aizen-kami. Aizen had never demanded it of him but Starrk was not a fool… then Shunsui drew back for a moment, their eyes meeting. Starrk could see the fever heat in those grey orbs.

"Starrk." Then Shunsui's lips covered his for a second time and Starrk lost track of any rational thought. All that mattered was that hard body against him. Starrk groaned deep in his throat, reaching up with trembling hands to tear at that black clothing. He wanted it gone. He wanted to feel more… Shunsui helped with that, working on his clothing. Black fabric fell onto the floor and Starrk closed his eyes as his legs were spread. He stayed perfectly relaxed, supply and accepting. It would hurt less if he did not fight it…

"…?" Starrk opened his eyes as fingers slid into him. That was not unusual but it was not painful. There was an odd coldness, something damp? It was easing the passage of those fingers into his body. He lifted his head and looked down, trying to understand what was happening to him. He saw Shunsui looking at him, his grey eyes warm and amused as he saw the confusion on his face.

"Tell me Starrk. Are you a virgin?" He asked softly and Starrk shook his head.

"No." He said with complete honesty. "What are you doing?" He asked and the amusement faded in the other man's eyes.

"I'm preparing you." He explained and Starrk swallowed at the concern in his voice. "I don't want you to be in pain." That took his breath away. Not in pain? It was such a foreign thought.

"I… thought it had to hurt…" He murmured, then groaned as a hand encircled his erection. "Ah…" That felt good. Along with that careful exploration of his insides, it was very good… he whimpered, shuddering as those talented hands tormented him. What was happening to his body? He'd thought he knew sex very well but it had never felt like this before…

"Had to hurt? Oh Starrk." Starrk wondered at Shunsui's tone but had no time to think about it. Fingers were slowly, lovingly stroking that special spot inside him. Starrk had no idea what it was called but he did know that source of pleasure. He gasped, closing his eyes as he gripped the other man's shoulders. It felt so good. When would the pain come? He would have to repay this. Pleasure never came without pain.

Then his legs were nudged further apart and Starrk gasped as Shunsui slid deep inside him, his cock covered in more of that cool dampness. It quickly warmed within him, easing the faint burn. Starrk's eyes were wide as he registered the absence of pain. Yes, there was a sting but it was nothing compared to what he was used to. The barest whisper of pain, it eased almost as quickly as it came.

All that was left was the blinding pleasure as Shunsui scraped across that hidden place deep inside him, making Starrk cry out. The sound of his voice, heavy with pleasure, was foreign to him. He rarely made sounds with his god, unless they were screams…

"Shunsui." He groaned as the man began to take him. It was slow though, too slow? Was Shunsui holding back for him? Another alien thought. Aizen would never have done that. "Please, take what you need. Take your pleasure from me." He whispered. He wanted that. He wanted to give Shunsui his pleasure.

"Oh kami Starrk. Believe me, I am." The warm breath in his ear made him tremble, followed by a gasp as the other man speeded his thrusts. That hot, heavy organ inside him effortlessly found his pleasure point, stimulating him repeatedly. Starrk clung to Shunsui's shoulders, digging in his fingers before he caught himself and forced his hands to relax. He should not be giving pain. They kissed then and Starrk allowed himself to sink into the other man's mouth, feeling like they were melting together. The way they were connected, the pleasure building within him… perhaps it was merely a bizarre fantasy but it was hard for him to tell where one ended and the other began. "You are… amazing…"

"So are you." Starrk whispered, still marveling at the absence of pain. There was only joy as he met Shunsui's thrusts, raising his hips and pushing back, deepening the sensations. He was being filled so completely and it didn't hurt. He wasn't sure how that could even be possible. "Harder! Oh please, take me harder…" He wanted more. Perhaps it was selfish but he wanted to feel so much, wanted every inch of his lover inside him. There was heavy breathing against his skin as Shunsui obliged. The speed and force of his thrusts rocked Starrk into the couch and made the springs squeak. Starrk cried out again as his special spot was relentlessly tortured. How could Shunsui be so good at hitting it?

That fast pace quickly began bringing Starrk to his orgasm. He could feel the sweat beading on his skin, see that chestnut hair trailing over his chest as the pleasure came to an incredible peak.

"Shunsui!" Starrk cried out as the moment came, his body clamping down sharply as he jerked, his creamy cum splattering between the two of them. Shunsui cursed and there were a few more quick, hot strokes before the shinigami stiffened and came, filling the arrancar beneath him with liquid heat. Starrk gasped, feeling exhausted and boneless as that fluid filled him, warming his core. It felt strangely good when there were no abrasions for it to sting… "Mmm." Starrk looked into Shunsui's eyes, exhausted yet worried. Had that truly given the shinigami pleasure? But then warm lips brushed his temple.

"Ah, Starrk. You are so beautiful like this." Shunsui murmured and Starrk blinked, not understanding.

"But there's no blood." He said without thinking. Yes, there was sweat and even a bit of tears – he'd cried in the sheer joy of it – but not blood. He felt the body against him go still for a moment before Shunsui whispered in his ear.

"You don't need blood to be beautiful, Starrk. In fact, I would say that blood is not beautiful at all." Shunsui said and Starrk blinked slowly. Blood… not beautiful? Then a warm hand stroked his cheek. "Go to sleep." That was something he always wanted to do and the weariness was crushing now. Shunsui slowly pulled out of his body and Starrk curled up on the couch, unconcerned with his nakedness. He vaguely felt a blanket going over his body and snuggled into it. It felt nice and warm and comfortable.

Feeling better than he had in months, perhaps years, the Primera Espada fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Shunsui, is this wise?" Juushiro said very seriously and Shunsui looked up from their game, not at all surprised.

"Not even slightly. But it's too fascinating to turn away." He said easily before making his move. It was a daring, reckless play, in keeping with his current mindset. Juushiro gave him a severe look before taking his own play. He was being far more cautious and Shunsui smiled as he looked over the board. "How badly did his reiatsu leak past the wards?" He was quite curious about that. Juushiro sighed.

"Horribly. You practically cleared out my Division." He said with mock severity and Shunsui grinned. Starrk had been too drunk to keep his reiatsu in check, if it could be done at all in the throes of passion. The wards had tried their best but it really hadn't been enough. "I'm glad you came out intact."

"If I hadn't it would have been worth it." He was joking but then his eyes darkened as he remembered. "He didn't know about preparation and lubrication." He said quietly and Juushiro shrugged slightly as Shunsui took his move.

"There is no water in Hueco Mundo. The only lubrication would be natural." He said and Shunsui nodded slightly. He knew that was true but…

"Everyone knows what he is to Aizen." He said and saw Juushiro look down, examining the board. Everyone did know. He'd made it abundantly clear with the way he'd treated the Espada in his throne room. And if anyone had doubted, the Palace servants were not immune to gossip. Starrk was far from the only one to grace Aizen's bed, but their new God tired of the others, often quickly. The only one who stayed was Starrk.

"There is nothing you can do for him." Juushiro said before taking his move. Shunsui sighed at that blunt and painful truth. "You can only get yourself in trouble. You should avoid him, Shunsui."

"I know." He did know that. Aizen had to know already, that his toy had been taken by another man. Did he care though? Shunsui wouldn't be surprised if he'd anticipated the whole thing. What kind of game was he playing? Nothing that would be good for either of them. "I'll try to dial it back." He said after a moment. Starrk needed a friend more than a lover, anyway. Although he wondered if he would be able to hold to that.

The arrancar was far too appealing, with his sweet nature and surprising innocence about the world.

* * *

Starrk shifted slightly and groaned softly through his teeth. He opened his eyes, expecting to see white. He was vaguely surprised to see warm wood and gauzy curtains, allowing the air to flow freely across his overheated skin.

That was the only thing unfamiliar about the situation, though. Starrk sighed and allowed his head to fall back. He had pleased Aizen-kami greatly the previous night and now he was paying for it, with the pain of his body. With his reiatsu he would heal, but it would take at least a day.

"Lilinette?" Starrk murmured before realizing she was gone. "Ah." Before his loss she would have been the one to bring him water, wipe it across his fevered skin. Sighing, he reached out for a bell pull. There was a soft tinkling as he tugged lightly on the silken cord.

A servant answered almost instantly. Starrk regarded the man blankly. None of the servants wanted much to do with him, afraid of his power and his connection to Aizen. With good reason, perhaps. The man bowed to him, waiting for instructions.

"Please bring me some cold water and a cloth." Starrk said tiredly. The man bowed again before silently leaving to fulfill his wishes. "Ah." Sometimes, he wondered if such silence was rude or just the way shinigami did things. He had no idea. Resting a hand on his forehead, he let himself lapse into a light doze.

The servant came back quickly but to Starrk's surprise, there was someone else with him.

"…?" Starrk looked at the woman quizzically. She was vaguely familiar to him and he blinked as he remembered. She had been one of the taichou kneeling in the throne room when Aizen had asked them for their obedience. The servant offered him a cloth and a bucket of ice water. Starrk took the cloth absently, nodding at the man to set down the bucket beside him. "I'm… sorry. Is there something I can do for you?" This seemed a touch peculiar but she had to have Aizen's permission to be here. She smiled at him pleasantly.

"No, Starrk-sama. I'm here for you. I'm Unohana Retsu, taichou of the Fourth." That meant nothing to him and she saw it in his face. "We are the healing Division."

"Oh." That was unusual. When he'd been in Los Noches, Aizen had let his injuries heal naturally. But that was because… "Oh, I see. You are strong enough to heal me." He said, belatedly connecting the dots. With his insane power, making a connection to his body was perilous. Most healers would be devoured by him. Of course, Starrk could have simply devoured other hollows to heal himself but he refused to do that. Unohana nodded.

"Yes. Aizen sent for me." She said and Starrk smiled, touched that Aizen would think of his welfare. She knelt beside him as he wet down the cloth, using it to ease the fire inside him. After this kind of session he always felt like he was burning. "Can you take off your clothing, Starrk-sama?"

"Ah, must I?" He said reluctantly then sighed as she gave him a smile that seemed very… firm. "I will, if you stop calling me that. Starrk or Starrk-san is enough." He hated the sama business. Her smile seemed to warm, just a touch.

"Very well, Starrk-san." She said pleasantly and he pulled himself up with a small groan. His uniform was badly soiled with dried blood and taking it off was a painful process. He finally peeled away the fabric and discarded it, slumping down on his cushion. His nakedness did not bother him. It was the natural state of a hollow and the wraps he'd owned before Aizen had found him had been little better than bare skin. Her hands ghosted over his body and Starrk sighed as the pain immediately began to ease. He felt her reiatsu connecting to his, but she was so powerful that she could erect a barrier between them that would hold. If he had wanted to breach it he could have, and harmed her greatly, perhaps even killed her before she could break the connection. But Starrk most certainly did not want that. The last thing he ever wanted was to kill.

"I deeply appreciate this." He murmured to her as she worked. Her face was completely serene, betraying nothing of her thoughts. Starrk thought nothing of it. After all, it was Aizen-kami's right to use his body as he saw fit.

"It is nothing, Starrk-san." She said before pulling her hands away, severing the connection between them. Starrk let her go, feeling a bit bereft. She undoubtedly had no real use for him – he was just a hollow – but it was still pleasant, receiving a friendly touch. "I have a cream for you. It will prevent you from catching an infection and ensure there is no scarring." She offered him the jar and he took it calmly. He'd had something quite similar in Los Noches, provided by Szayel. "If you develop a fever or any other symptoms, please visit the Fourth immediately."

"I would have to speak to Aizen-kami first. But I am sure he would not deny me permission." Starrk said. Aizen seemed to like that his Espada always asked permission before leaving the palace. If Aizen was not there to ask, Starrk did not stray. Unohana stared at him for a moment before nodding with another gracious smile. "Thank you, Unohana taichou."

"You are most welcome." She said before departing. Starrk settled back down on his cushion with a sigh.

Even with her healing, he needed time to rest and repair.

* * *

Starrk smiled as he reached out, touching the little butterfly. He'd figured out the purpose of these, almost by accident. His shock when it had started talking to him would probably have been quite funny, if anyone had been there to see it.

_Starrk-san! It's been a while since I've seen you. Would you like to visit me for a game of shogi? I will be free tomorrow._ That warm, familiar voice made his smile widen for a moment. Then it faded into a troubled expression. Aizen hadn't spoken to him about his actions with Shunsui but Starrk was not foolish enough to think that meant he approved. He might be being given enough rope to hang himself. Starrk rubbed a hand nervously on his pant leg. Theoretically, there was no reason he could not take a lover. Aizen certainly enjoyed enough of them, other than himself.

"…" Starrk sighed to himself. Fairness was not something to be found much, in the world. There might be a double standard. Starrk briefly entertained the thought of asking permission before shaking his head. He didn't want to be forbidden from seeing Shunsui. Pushing himself to his feet, he went to find Aizen.

He wasn't hard to find. He was in the gardens, working on some calligraphy. Starrk admired the beauty of it, the graceful lines. Then he read the words.

_Birds with paper wings,  
Gliding on nature's cool breath,  
Precious like our love._

_Love?_ Starrk blinked, tilting his head. He knew what the word meant, of course. It brought a pang to his heart because surely, surely that was what he had felt for Lilinette. Reaching up to massage his chest, he closed his eyes for a moment as he struggled to find her. But he couldn't. She was not there.

"Starrk. Don't hover." Aizen's gentle admonishment brought him back to himself and made him blush. Starrk went to his lord and master, kneeling beside him and gazing at the calligraphy. A hand petted his hair, possessive yet gentle. "What do you think of the poetry?"

"It is beautiful." He said because it was. "Did you create it?" He asked diffidently and Aizen chuckled, looking down at him. His eyes glowed with the power of the Hogyoku and the Throne. It was mesmerizing but also made him feel like a bird being watched by a cat.

"No. It is the work of a master. Love is such an enigma, isn't it Starrk?" Aizen said, looking at his calligraphy before beginning a picture. Starrk swallowed as he saw the birds taking shape, flying over the mountains. "Have you ever known love, Starrk?"

"Yes." He said instantly and Aizen looked down at him, a touch surprised at that ready answer. "My Lilinette…" He'd loved her like he loved no one else. Aizen smiled, amused.

"Ah, I see. The love of a father to a daughter." He said and Starrk nodded. He didn't know what it was like to have a child – he'd never met a female who could withstand his spiritual pressure, let alone bear his young – but surely that was what his love for Lilinette was like. "Such a shame she is no longer here." Starrk swallowed hard before glancing down. But he forced himself to remain still. "Was there something you wanted, Starrk? Or did you just want to see the garden?" Aizen glanced around with a small smile. "It is beautiful in the summer."

"I always love seeing the garden." Starrk said, keeping his attention on his lord and master. "But I had a request. Kyoraku Shunsui has invited me to play shogi with him tomorrow. If you do not need me, Aizen-kami?" He asked, fully prepared to hear that he could not be spared. It was easier to anticipate disappointment. Aizen smiled at him benevolently.

"Of course you can." He said and Starrk bowed his head in appreciation. "In the future, Starrk, just let my chamberlain know where you are going. It's adorable of you, but there's no need to seek me out every time."

"Yes, Aizen-kami. I thank you for the favor." Starrk said humbly and Aizen chuckled, running a hand through his hair again before gently lifting his chin. Starrk found himself caught in those strange eyes again and thought that he was not like a bird in front of a cat, after all. No… he was a bird staring at a snake.

"You can show me your appreciation later." He said teasingly and Starrk nodded slightly. "Take care not to exhaust yourself, Starrk." Aizen let go of his chin and Starrk blushed at the reminder. Of course Aizen would know what he'd done with Shunsui. He was glad to see that his god did not seem to be jealous, but he couldn't help his apprehension. Knowing Aizen, there was probably going to be a catch in this sooner or later.

Putting that thought aside, he rose to his feet and bowed to his master before leaving the garden. Perhaps he would talk to the servants about getting a slightly different outfit for tomorrow. He still wanted to conceal his hollow nature but there was no reason to wear just shinigami style garb.

He would see what they could come up with.

* * *

"You are looking very stylish today." Shunsui said, admiring him for a moment. Starrk blushed lightly, ducking his head.

"Thank you." The servants had put together this for him and he thought it was very nice. Starrk was wearing a dark brown, slightly baggy shirt with wooden buttons. The neckline was high enough to hide his fragment and hollow hole. The shirt had long sleeves with little maple leaves embroidered on the end in red and orange. There was a matching pattern around the button holes and leading down the front of the shirt. His trousers were western style and very tightly tailored, showing off his legs. "I thought there was no reason to look like a shinigami all the time." He offered and Shunsui chuckled.

"No reason at all. Would you like to take a walk first, then some shogi?" He asked and Starrk immediately consented. It was a beautiful day and he would enjoy taking a walk, even if it was only around the Division.

Really, the Thirteenth Division was beautiful. And while Starrk felt many curious and unsettled glances being directed his way, there was very little hatred. Perhaps it was because of Shunsui's resurrection. What harm had he done to the shinigami, really? Aside from Aizen winning the Winter War. And that had not truly been his doing. Starrk doubted that the loss of Kyoraku from the battlefield had made any kind of difference in the outcome.

"It's so beautiful." Starrk said as he looked up at a tree. He had no idea what kind it was but the blooms were exquisite, light pink and fragrant. The sun shone through them, adding another layer to the beauty. Shunsui knelt to pick up a few dropped blooms.

"They are quite beautiful. Have you ever sniffed one?" He asked and Starrk smiled as he was offered the flower. He took it, although he didn't need to, and sniffed the petals. Unfortunately, there was the faintest trace of rot beneath the perfume and he dropped the dying blooms, looking up at the tree.

"I have a canine sense of smell. I don't need to bring them to my nose so yes, I've smelled them." He said, then smiled a touch sadly. "The living ones smell better than the dead ones." Reaching up, he gently touched a few pink petals. "I think Aizen-kami would say there is a beauty in the dying blooms." Looking down at the ground, he tried to see it. If Aizen said it was true, then it was. Yet, the sight of those flowers, the scent of their destruction, only made him sad.

"He might be right. They die because they have to, to make way for the seasons. And they are only part of the tree. The tree is strong and alive." Shunsui said thoughtfully and Starrk glanced at him, surprised. "Do you know how trees reproduce, Starrk?"

"No. How?" He listened as Shunsui tried to explain how the process worked. It was difficult for a primitive hollow to grasp but he did get one point. "So these were just to draw the insects in? And they die because they have done their work?"

"Yes. I would think of it as a sign of hope for the future. Soon there will be fruits and perhaps, little trees." He said cheerfully and Starrk smiled at the thought.

After that they went back to the Division to play shogi and sip tea. Juushiro checked up on them once and brought them little things they called ohagi. Starrk had never tried them before and was quite surprised by the sweetness.

"I could develop a taste for these." He murmured, sampling them as Shunsui considered the board. "Mmm." He thought the sweetness of the bean curd went particularly well with the tea. Shunsui took his move and Starrk considered the board thoughtfully. He mentally played through the dozens of possible combinations. He was always good with things like this, things that were methodical and concrete. The trickier things like understanding what the people around him were thinking and feeling… that was much harder. At least he understood the problem, though. It put him much ahead of those, like Tosen, who thought they understood yet knew nothing at all.

That thought reminded Starrk that Tosen was dead and he shivered slightly before making his move. As Shunsui considered the board, he brooded on the shinigami. He hadn't liked Tosen and didn't miss him. It had taken him a while to understand that the dark shinigami thought of him as nothing but a tool, to be used and disposed of when the time came. A creature like him had no place in the perfect world Tosen had envisioned. Yet, some part of him regretted Tosen's death. Because he'd been alive and he'd had dreams. Not for the arrancar, perhaps, but for the shinigami. Were those dreams being realized? Starrk tried to push the thought away, feeling almost treacherous. Of course they were. Aizen-kami would not have lied to his most trusted subordinate…

There was a soft sound and Starrk looked up to see that Shunsui was opening a bottle.

"Sake?" He offered a saucer and Starrk took it with a smile. Then he looked over the board, realizing it was his move. Sipping the liquid, he savored the flavor as he considered his move. Vaguely, he noticed the ohagi were gone. But they would not have gone well with sake anyway. "You are brooding about something." Shunsui observed and Starrk almost spilled his sake in surprise.

"…How do you know that?" He asked, a bit amazed. Aizen could do things like that, of course, but Aizen knew him quite well. Shunsui smiled at him and Starrk was struck again by how friendly he looked, how the skin around his eyes crinkled just a bit. The lack of menace made him want to get closer.

"I just watch you. It's really quite simple." He said and Starrk shook his head.

"For you, perhaps. Not for me." He couldn't help but sound a bit sad. Although after millennia of complete solitude, was it any wonder that he did not understand others? Really, it would have been a miracle if he did.

"We are all different, Starrk. I don't play shogi as well as you. I concede." Shunsui said, closing his hand over one of the pieces. Starrk blinked and looked over the board, realizing he was quite right. His situation was hopeless. "Do you play with Aizen?"

"Yes. I win sometimes." He said because it was true. Shunsui looked impressed.

"Really? He's a true master of the game. How long have you been playing?" He asked and Starrk blinked, trying to remember. When had Aizen taught him?

"Two months." He finally said and Shunsui stared at him. The shinigami looked so taken aback that Starrk felt moved to explain. "Lilinette and I were recruited four months ago. We were the very last Espada to join his forces."

"Sweet kami. Really? And you can play shogi so well?" He sounded disbelieving and Starrk shrugged, mildly uncomfortable.

"It is very logical. I am good with things like that." He looked over the board, vaguely wishing that everything in life was as simple and logical as the board game. Shunsui rubbed his beard for a moment, thoughtfully.

"Are you good with math, Starrk?" He asked and Starrk hesitated before shaking his head.

"I only know a few basic things. You taught me." He said, remembering the lessons on how to buy things. That had given him the concept of numbers and he had learned. Shunsui blinked.

"I… didn't mean to teach you. I thought you already knew. Interesting." He said and Starrk wondered why it would be interesting. Learning by watching was how he'd mastered almost everything he'd learned in Los Noches. It seemed like nothing special to him. "Would you like to play another game?" He asked and Starrk glanced out the window, gauging the time.

"I should not. Aizen is expecting me back." The comment about not exhausting himself had made that quite clear. Shunsui nodded and Starrk thought there was just the slightest trace of disappointment in his face, quickly hidden. Was he right though? He wasn't sure. "…Aizen-kami warned me not to exhaust myself." He said after a moment, his voice low. Shunsui's hand paused for a moment, about to bring the cup of sake to his mouth. "But I would still like to thank you for all that you have done for me." The thought of what he wanted to do made his skin tingle a bit. Smiling, he stood, stretching languorously. He knew how to display his body to best advantage. Shunsui stared at him, his eyes a bit wide as he caught the undertone.

"Starrk?" He said as the arrancar knelt beside him. Starrk smiled into his face, gripping the ties of his hakama and working on the fabric. "That… isn't necessary." Shunsui said, his cheeks flushing with more than the sake. Starrk chuckled, his voice deep and throaty.

"I know. I want to." He said simply as he pulled down the hakama, revealing what was inside. This time Starrk paused to really regard the revealed member. It was large, easily as big as his own or bigger. Smiling in pleasure he licked that flesh, running his hot tongue over the soft, almost velvety skin. There was a groan above him and Shunsui quickly firmed under his attention. Pleased by the reaction, Starrk took just the head into his mouth, delicately sucking on that mushroom tip. A hand went through his hair, mutely begging him for more.

Starrk was more than willing to oblige. He took Shunsui into his throat, relaxing himself with practiced skill. He knew he had it when his nose nudged dark curls, slightly damp and pleasantly musky. Starrk closed his eyes, just enjoying the scent of what he was doing. The warm musk of skin, the distinct scent of arousal, the faintest odor of semen… He reached beneath the shinigami to gently fondle his balls, bouncing the heavy sacs in his palm. The sound Shunsui made was beautiful and Starrk savored the knowledge that he was pleasing the other man.

His technique was very good. Starrk knew that because Aizen-kami had told him so and his god would never lie. The sounds Shunsui made confirmed it again and when the shinigami panted a warning, Starrk was prepared. He took the heavy release easily, swallowing it with the ease of long practice. Drawing away, Starrk wiped his lips before smiling into Shunsui's face. The man was looking stunned at what had just occurred.

"Kami Starrk. You are so good at that!" He finally said and Starrk chuckled before kissing him. The warm taste of Shunsui's mouth was intoxicating. He wished he could stay but…

"I really must be going." He needed to please his god tonight. Shunsui's expression became set and something chased across his eyes, something Starrk did not understand. But then it was gone, replaced with a gentle warmth. Compassion? He was not sure. That was not an emotion much seen in Los Noches.

"Sleep well." Shunsui said softly and Starrk wondered if he would. It was hard to say. Leaving the room, he quickly made his way out of the Division and back to the Palace. As he did, he licked his lips, tasting just the faintest echo of Shunsui's semen.

It was a pleasant sensation.


	3. Chapter 3

_It was a beautiful day._

_The sun was bright overhead in the sky of brilliant blue. It was gorgeous, the purest color he could remember seeing. The landscape around him was verdant, full of summer growth. Wild forests, they were still pristine, untouched by human hands._

_He was hunting hollows on his family estates. The creatures had been spotted by the family armsmen. They patrolled these woods and could use shunpo, but did not possess zanpakuto. The swords that could cleanse hollow souls were a noble privilege. Often, he wished that was not so. It meant far more work for him, work that could not be farmed out. And he trusted his retainers. Why could he not give them swords?_

" _Can't be a lazy bastard." He muttered to himself, knowing his noble father would be grossly offended to hear that word pass his lips. "Heh." It amused him because he happened to know that his 'father' was not actually his sire. No, that had been one of his mother's trusted bodyguards. His father was ignorant of his mother's infidelity, thankfully._

_Cheered by the thought… he didn't much admire his 'father'… he continued his search. Soon he was slashing through several hollows. They were no challenge at all for one of his strength. He was immensely powerful, thanks to his mother. She was also not allowed a zanpakuto due to being a woman, but her strength had been known to crush those who annoyed her. He'd inherited all of her reiatsu._

_He was about to destroy a small canine hollow when a crushing pain hit him. He gasped, bending over and gripping his chest._

" _Not now!" He choked out. He knew this pain. It was an illness he'd been born with, a weakness in his heart. As a child he'd sometimes had frightening fits where he'd gone blue in the face. The healers could not touch it, nor give his parents any real idea of how long he would live. He'd survived a long time with it, managing to have two children of his own. But now… "No!" His youngest was only five. His knees buckled and he choked, unable to breath. The little dog hollow stared at him as he collapsed, eyes comically wide. If he could have, he would have laughed. It looked so terribly surprised and doubting, as if it thought this might all be a trick and he would stand up again to purify it…_

_But he would not. This time it was bad, very bad. He shuddered as he felt his heart stutter and die, the organ failing to beat. Darkness chased over his vision as the dog hollow sniffed him then whined, his… her?... ears back, body language uncertain and afraid. If he could have, he might have reached out to scratch those ears. He'd always liked dogs…_

_He was already dead when the dog hollow took the first bite. But his soul had no time to flee, and joined the fledgling soul collection. Such a powerful soul, he would be the seed of what would become the most terrible and wonderful thing Hueco Mundo had ever seen…_

* * *

Starrk blinked as he came to wakefulness.

"Mmm… that dream." Sighing, he pushed himself off his cushion and staggered for a moment. "Ugh." He never came to full wakefulness that quickly… well, unless there was a Lilinette stomping on his belly. Flinching slightly at the thought, Starrk pushed aside the gauzy curtains and stepped onto the balcony. The seasons were changing. There was the faintest chill in the air, a few signs of autumn.

Starrk thought about Shunsui with a small, gentle smile. He usually allowed the other man to invite him, rather than just showing up at the Thirteenth. Shunsui had duties, plenty of things he needed to do. Starrk could never be sure when he was free.

"I wonder what he would think of that dream." He mused to himself. Tosen had thought it was disgusting, that any hollow would think he had once been a shinigami. Gin had just told him he sounded boring. Aizen had smiled and asked him if the little canine hollow had been Lilinette. Starrk thought she probably had been although he couldn't prove it and would never know for sure. "Perhaps I will tell him." He didn't think Shunsui would think it was disgusting. He wasn't sure how the man would react, but not that.

As if the thought had summoned it, a hell butterfly fluttered up and landed on the railing of the balcony. Starrk smiled as he touched it, asking it for the message it contained.

_Starrk! I have a bit of time off today. I thought I would have a family obligation but it fell through. If you're interested, could you send this back? We can meet at the Thirteenth._ Starrk smiled at the message and quickly murmured his acceptance before jumping off the balcony. He enjoyed doing that, although Aizen-kami had already chided him for it. He landed neatly in the gardens and took off at a run.

Perhaps it was a bit impulsive, though. The clothing he was wearing was the same as what he'd fallen asleep in, a yukata and hakama of white with delicate gold embroidery. Serviceable as daytime wear but it did not hide his arrancar nature. Today, though, he just didn't care. Starrk wasn't sure why but it seemed unimportant. They all knew who he was, anyway. Who did he think he was fooling?

He breezed through the city, only dropping out of sonido when he reached the Thirteenth. Shunsui wasn't there yet but Juushiro was in and invited him to have something to drink. There were shadows under his eyes and the man looked sick. Starrk was immediately concerned.

"Are you well?" He asked and Juushiro just gave him a small, sad smile.

"I'm fine, Starrk-san. Things are just a bit unsettled." That was a rather transparent lie, even to him. Starrk chewed on his lip before deciding to let it go. He probably didn't want to know. Working under Aizen could not possibly be pleasant.

"Aizen-kami likes to entertain himself." He said instead and saw Juushiro wince, faintly. "…What is this? It's not tea." He said after taking a sip. It was surprisingly sweet and heavy. "It's delicious." He had a sweet tooth.

"It's amazaki. A fermented rice drink. I thought you might like it." Juushiro said and Starrk smiled appreciatively as he sipped.

"I love it, thank you." Starrk was willing to bet that Shunsui had mentioned his love of sweets to Juushiro. The man across from him looked into his tea for a moment before speaking.

"I was wondering if you might be able to do me a favor, Starrk-san?" He asked and Starrk just looked at him, surprised. A favor? Juushiro gave him a small, deeply troubled smile. "If you can't I understand. But the two taichou who chose not to serve… could you check on them for me? I would like to know that they are well." He asked and Starrk hesitated. He could see why Juushiro would not want to go himself. He might have been forbidden and if he hadn't, well, the appearance of collaborating with those hostile to Aizen would not be wise. Starrk was above suspicion, of that at least. Aizen knew him quite well and understood how his mind worked. He might play a game with his Espada but would never take seriously the thought of treason. Starrk bit his lip lightly as he thought of it. Aizen-kami knew the fearful reverence the Primera Espada held him in.

"I… suppose I might. But I don't know where this place is." And that was something he did not want to ask Aizen. He would at least try to do this quietly although word would probably get back. Juushiro smiled at him, his expression lightening a bit now that Starrk had agreed.

"I can give you an escort." Juushiro assured him and Starrk smiled appreciatively. "How has life been treating you at the palace?" The white haired taichou asked and Starrk brightened at the thought.

"Very good. Aizen-kami is treating me very well." He said sincerely. "He summons the healing taichou for me all the time." It warmed him, that Aizen would think of his comfort that way. Juushiro blinked slowly, looking taken aback. Starrk wasn't sure why.

Then Shunsui arrived and any thought of that left his mind. Particularly when he saw what his lover was wearing.

"You look amazing." Starrk was a bit stunned by how magnificent Shunsui looked. He was wearing a dark blue kimono with a dragon pattern in black and silver. His hair was in its usual style but the straw hat was absent. He sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair.

"I miss my hat." He said it so mournfully that Starrk blinked and Juushiro chuckled. "Awful, not to have it during a clan meeting. But they kicked me out! I'm overjoyed."

"How did that happen?" Starrk asked, unable to suppress his curiosity. Shunsui steered him out of Juushiro's office to an unoccupied room. Soon they were sipping tea as his friend regaled him with the story of how he'd carefully riled up his clan members, turning the meeting into absolute chaos. Fortunately or unfortunately, his grandmother was onto his tricks and had pinpointed his gentle, reasonable remarks as the problem. That had gotten him the boot from the meeting. "I know that sort of thing. Szayel used to do it." Aizen's method of dealing with it, though, had not been as gentle as Shunsui's grandmother's. The very pleasant inquiry as to whether or not the Octava would like to keep his tongue had definitely shut him up. "I mostly remember because Grimmjow belted me in the head." He'd been trying to reach Nnoitra at the time and Starrk had just been in the way. He'd requested a new seat after that. Shunsui chuckled although something flickered across his face, too fast for Starrk to even begin to parse it.

"Well, since I'm so pretty today, I was wondering if you might like to go dancing." Shunsui said and Starrk smiled at the words. Pretty… he hadn't met many men in his life who would describe themselves that way. He thought it was a sign of Shunsui's self-confidence and found it enchanting.

"I've never danced before." It sounded like something he would be good at, though, if he just watched for a while. "I would love to." It sounded like a wonderful idea. "Where would we go?" He had no idea. Shunsui smiled at him and not for the first time, Starrk found himself captivated.

"We have to wait a bit but I know some clubs…" Starrk wondered what that meant. He knew what club meant, of course, but the context suggested that Shunsui did not mean a blunt force weapon. Should he ask? No, he could wait. He didn't want to look any stupider than he already did.

They played shogi for a while before visiting those clubs Shunsui had mentioned. Starrk was fascinated to find that a 'club' was a form of bar, with a dance floor and music. Why was it called a club? It didn't seem to make much sense so he asked.

"You know, I have no idea. Because the bouncers carry clubs?" He suggested as he gestured. Starrk followed the movement and saw a man who did in fact have a club in his belt.

"Oh. I suppose that would make sense." He allowed, letting his eyes drift over the dance floor. None of it looked remotely challenging and Starrk just soaked in the movements for a moment. Yes, this would be easy. "Did you want to dance?" He was ready to try. Shunsui chuckled softly.

"Of course!" Starrk smiled as the other man took his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. Several people gave him second looks as they spotted his hole and bone fragments, but he did not care. He surrendered his body to the music and the dance, letting his movements follow Shunsui's. The song being played was slow and encouraged close dancing, which suited Starrk perfectly. The feel of Shunsui's body, so close… "Kami. I thought you said you'd never danced before?"

"I learn things very quickly by watching." If he could learn them at all, at least. He'd watched Aizen managing the Espada for months, and now he sometimes saw him with the taichou, but Starrk had absolutely no clue how he did what he did. He was fearful and paranoid enough to recognize the manipulations but to actually do such a thing himself? Starrk knew it would always be beyond his abilities. "This is the kind of thing I'm good at." It was all a matter of timing and knowing how to move. That was his area of expertise. Shunsui smiled, but there was something pensive about it.

"Like fighting?" He asked and Starrk's motion stuttered for a moment. Then he shook his head.

"That's a bit different." He said softly. "I remembered that." A sword had felt familiar in his hand, from the first moment he had touched it. The thought pained him but he knew it was true.

"What do you mean?" Shunsui asked and Starrk shivered slightly at the feel of his breath in his ear, his body so close.

"I… could we talk about it later?" He was having such a good time. He did not want to ruin this moment. And seeing Kyoraku look at him in disbelief or worse yet, disgust… that would ruin things. Shunsui just looked at him curiously for a moment before smiling.

"If you want, Starrk." The way Shunsui said his name… it was so intimate. Starrk shivered again before concentrating on the dancing. It really was quite wonderful…

Eventually they fetched up at the bar and ordered some drinks. The bartender stared at his hole and mask fragments but said nothing, just fetching them their alcohol. Starrk sipped his drink carefully, deeply enjoying the sweet flavor. Sweet was rapidly becoming his favorite thing.

"I think I was a shinigami, before I died." He said after a moment and saw Shunsui's eyes widen a touch. "I remember…" He explained the circumstances and what little he knew about the man. Shunsui's expression was thoughtful as he sipped his drink. "I don't know if the memories are real though. Tosen thought I was lying." That made Shunsui blink.

"I'm certain you're not lying. You've dated yourself quite well." He said and Starrk gave him a confused look. "What you said about retainers not being allowed zanpakuto. It must have been before Yamamoto's reforms. So over a thousand years ago."

"Oh." Had he included that little piece of information with Tosen? Perhaps not. He hadn't thought it was anything important. "I assumed it was still like that." How would he know any differently? Shunsui chuckled, his voice warm with amusement. Starrk couldn't quite appreciate it, though. "I wish I could remember more. I think I might be more… adult." That didn't seem like quite the right word though. Shunsui smiled at him, shaking his head slightly.

"You seem very adult to me, Starrk. If a bit innocent." He said and Starrk smiled back, a touch sadly.

"Perhaps that's the wrong way to put it. I think maybe I would be less… malleable." Then he sighed, looking into his drink. "But perhaps I should not wish that on myself. After all, it would do me no good." He would still be entirely outmatched in any real game with Aizen. Shogi did not count. He brought the glass to his lips and finished the drink with one long swallow.

"No, I suppose not." Shunsui also sounded quietly depressed now. Starrk almost regretted saying it… but not when the other man suddenly smiled and a warm arm went around his waist. He reacted without thought, molding himself to Shunsui's body. The heat of the other man made him want more and Starrk took the initiative, kissing his lover deeply. He would not have dared do that with Aizen but Shunsui was not kami. "Ah, Starrk." That warm voice murmured in his ear and Starrk shivered at the feel of breath against his skin. "Why don't we take this to my quarters?"

"Please." He'd had fun dancing but he wanted to do a different kind of physical activity now. They left the club together, arm in arm, and Starrk thought nothing of it.

After all, Aizen knew already.

* * *

"You must be an expert with hand to hand combat to enter the Maggot's Nest." The man at the gate said to him. Starrk regarded him in bewilderment.

"Why?" He asked and there was a pause as the shinigami stared at him. Then the man blinked and shook his head before explaining.

"No shinigami is allowed to bring a zanpakuto into this area. The seki-seki stone prevents the use of sonido and kido. You will be limited to nothing but your body." Starrk had been reaching up to run a hand through his hair but then he stopped, arrested.

"It can make me _weak?_ " He could hardly believe it. Surely it couldn't be this easy? The shinigami guard looked taken aback at his expression of hope.

"…Yes, but you would have to live inside." He said after a moment and to Starrk that hardly seemed like a problem. After all, he'd spent most of his life staring at sand. Starrk stared at the door thoughtfully.

"I wonder if Aizen would let me stay here?" He asked and the man made a choking sound. "Although… the prisoners aren't isolated, are they?" Being chained up in a room would be close to his idea of hell. Being weak yet still alone… he would never, ever want that.

"Only the most dangerous ones. Almost all of them are allowed to wander freely." The man assured him and Starrk smiled at the thought. That sounded close to heaven. Even now, he had to fight so hard to keep his reiatsu in check. "But are you a hand to hand expert?"

"Um… yes, I believe so." He said after a pause. That was something he remembered. His shinigami soul had been very good. The guard questioned him no further – his job was done – and let him inside.

As Starrk walked in, though, he was immediately disappointed. The thick seki stone muffled his power but did not fully repress it. He could probably use a sonido although it would be difficult. He could even wave out his power and possibly shatter the stone. How was a prisoner of his strength kept? Starrk was willing to bet it was in complete isolation, with additional restraints. The thought made him shudder slightly.

The prisoners in the Maggot's Nest gave him a lot of attention. Some were very hostile but plenty of them were not. Starrk was willing to bet the angry ones had been imprisoned since Aizen had taken over and the rest, before.

Starrk knew who he was looking for, though, and they were not hard to find. In fact, they found him… soon he was facing a glaring, white haired boy and the man with a wolf's head. Starrk vaguely wondered how that had happened. What was he, exactly? He had no idea.

"What are you doing here, arrancar?" The boy asked in a hostile tone as the wolf man folded his arms, his body language unwelcoming. Starrk smiled at them although he was sure it would cut no ice.

"Ukitake taichou asked me to check on you." He said honestly and detected some disbelief in the younger one. But… "He, um, gave me this for you?" He offered a bag with a faintly bewildered air. "You like sweets?" He'd seen Juushiro packing up the 'care package' and it was absolutely full of sweets. The white haired boy stared at him blankly for a moment before taking the bag and opening it.

"Oh kami. He did send you." He almost groaned as he pulled out a box of some kind of sweet cake. The box had a smiling cat on it. "But why is an Espada running errands for a taichou?" Starrk shoved his hands in his pockets before shrugging.

"It's not like I have any duties." He pointed out. "And I like him." Ukitake taichou was very friendly and Starrk was willing to take any friendship he could get. The boy gave him a searching look before nodding. "Forgive me… I know you are Hitsugaya and Komamura. But I'm not sure who is who?" A bit embarrassing. The boy introduced himself as Hitsugaya Toshiro and the man as Komamura Sajin. "How have you been doing here?" They both seemed to be unhurt. The two of them exchanged a glance.

"It is very, very boring. Perhaps instead of sweets you could ask Juushiro to send us some books?" Sajin said. "We already have a shogi board, some of the other prisoners make them. But books would be welcome."

"And we could share them. Speaking of which…" Toshiro glanced around. Several other prisoners were hovering, sensing the bounty of sweets. "Lollipop?" He offered one man and soon the treats were being passed around. Starrk smiled as he watched. This did seem nice. That the bleak surroundings would be depressing never occurred to him. He was used to huge vistas of bleakness.

"How have things been out there?" Komamura asked, sounding deeply concerned. Starrk hesitated before shaking his head.

"I… try not to pay too much attention." He said sadly. "Since there is nothing I can do." He would just be tormenting himself. "Juushiro seems unhappy, often. Shunsui is very sad sometimes. I… think it is difficult." And that made him quietly depressed. He remembered Tosen, the dreams he'd had for Soul Society. Was what was happening now what he would have envisioned? Starrk strongly suspected it was not.

"Ah. I suppose there is nothing we can do either. But they are all still alive?" That, at least, Starrk was able to confirm. None of the surviving taichou had been executed or even much harmed, yet. He was sure it would come in time though and from the look on Toshiro's face, he thought so too.

Soon after that, it was time for him to leave. Starrk didn't have duties but he knew he really should get back to the Palace early so he could freshen up. Aizen was expecting him for a formal dinner with one of the noble clans. Then, afterwards, he would please his god. It was his privilege to do so.

At least, that was what Starrk kept telling himself.

* * *

Shunsui kept his gaze hidden beneath the brim of his hat. It helped to conceal the powerful desire to kill he felt when he set eyes on their lord and master. Even if he'd had his full powers, his hatred would have been impotent. He was intelligent enough to be a danger to Aizen, true… but that meant he was intelligent enough not to try. Failure was nearly certain and punishment would go towards his Division and family. Even if he'd had his full reiatsu it wouldn't have been worth the risk.

He had to remind himself of that as Aizen toured the Division and spoke with Ukitake. Starrk was with them as well, trailing behind his master like a well-trained hound. And that was exactly the right word for it, Shunsui reflected grimly. Starrk's attention never strayed from Aizen and he gave the impression that he was ready to jump at the slightest cue from his god. Kyoraku wondered, with a slightly sick feeling, what Aizen had done to man to gain that level of obedience.

Everyone knew that Unohana visited the palace regularly and she was going there for Starrk. No one knew precisely why but the speculations were lurid. The most distressing thing about it, though, was Starrk's feelings on the matter. Shunsui had cautiously asked him about it once and the arrancar had said, with a smile, that he was very happy Soul Society had a healer powerful enough to see him. And he was grateful to Aizen for thinking of him. He sounded so _sincere_ when he said that! It was horrifying.

Shunsui closed his eyes for a moment before forcing on a smile as Aizen stopped to look over his paperwork.

"Ah, Kyoraku! I thought you would be as bad at this as Matsumoto was." He said with a smile and Shunsui hid a wince. Rangiku was deceased, killed after Gin's betrayal of the tyrant. "But you seem to be keeping up. What's your secret?"

"Ah, just that Juushiro is counting on me to get my work done." He said easily. He was a good actor, thankfully. "It's easier to slack when the only one who takes the blame is me!" Aizen's smile widened just a touch.

"Indeed. The need to help others is a powerful motivation. Is it not, Starrk?" Aizen's hand went out to stroke his Espada's cheek. Starrk flinched a little before obediently nuzzling his hand. Shunsui's stomach clenched a little at the sight.

"Yes, Aizen-kami." Starrk said but his tone sounded a touch unsteady to the watching fukutaichou. Aizen smiled at his pet again before glancing at him, amused.

"You see, Kyoraku, Starrk wanted so badly to help Halibel after I finished with him on the rooftop." He said casually and Shunsui desperately didn't want to know what that meant. Although he could make a very good guess. "But she needed to prove herself to me. If she could not, she deserved to die. Is that not so, Starrk?"

"Of course. We all must prove ourselves to you." Starrk's reply was smooth this time, as he devoted his full attention and obedience to the other man. Aizen chuckled before gently kissing Starrk's temple. When he pulled away, blood trickled down, sliding over the curve of the Espada's face. Starrk did not show the slightest reaction to the pain, just looking at his master adoringly. Shunsui felt ill just watching it.

"My beautiful Starrk. But we do have things to do." Aizen murmured before letting go of his toy. "Coming, Ukitake?" He said and Juushiro followed behind him, pale and silent. Their eyes met for a moment before his friend followed their master. Shunsui looked at his well-organized desk before finding the hardest, most difficult piece of work he had to do.

Anything to take his mind off the things he could not change.


	4. Chapter 4

Starrk leaned against the sill of the open window, looking out into the falling rain. In the distance there was a far off rumble of thunder and he watched, spellbound, as light flashed in the far away clouds. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath of the air. It was thick and heavy with moisture, pleasant on his lungs.

"Starrk, come to bed." That sleepy voice made him glance over his shoulder with a smile. Aizen was away on some kind of examination of the noble houses. He would be enjoying their hospitality and to Starrk's surprise, he had not been taken along. But that gave him more time to spend with Shunsui.

"Mmm hmm." Starrk carefully slid into bed beside his mate, enjoying the warm blankets and the warmer body beside him. A hand ran through his hair and he smiled at the attention, half-closing his eyes. "I love the rain. Hueco Mundo has nothing like it." There was no water there at all. To him, rain was amazing and beautiful. There was a soft chuckle, warm breath in his ear.

"I can see that." Starrk rested his cheek on Shunsui's shoulder, enjoying the closeness. But then a thought came to him and he stirred. It was a thought he'd been chewing on for some time but he'd hesitated to mention it. Still… perhaps now was a good time, when they were both relaxed and warm.

"I wonder about Tosen, sometimes." He murmured, gazing away. "I never liked him. I knew we were nothing but tools to him, completely expendable. And yet, he had so many dreams for Soul Society. He wanted a society where the courts would truly give justice, where murderers would not walk free because they were high clan, it was a duel, or the victim happened to be a wife." Starrk felt a faint stiffening under him and ran a hand over Shunsui's chest. "I'm sorry. But I – I wonder. That just society he envisioned… would you say that is happening?" There was a pause before Shunsui gently cupped his cheek.

"No Starrk. I would not say that is happening." Shunsui said, his voice soft and heavy with pain. Starrk almost regretted bringing it up and gently kissed his collarbone, lending what comfort he could.

"I didn't really think so." He whispered, feeling the pain of it. "That… makes me wonder about Halibel." He admitted and Shunsui made a small, questioning sound. "Her dreams… she wanted something similar, but for hollows." Tosen had thought it was a ridiculous idea but didn't really care if Aizen wanted to attempt it. "She wanted Hueco Mundo to become more than just a wasteland. She envisioned a – a great golden age for our kind." Starrk had thought it was a beautiful dream but he hadn't shared it. Something deep inside him said that Hueco Mundo would always be a hopeless place. "Aizen promised her that, for her loyalty. But she's dead, just like Tosen. If he isn't keeping his promises to another shinigami, what hope does a hollow have?" Tosen had been Aizen's confederate for much, much longer than Halibel. "Is he doing anything for the Numeros? Or have we been forgotten, left to wander the sands?" He asked, truly wondering about that. It hadn't been his dream and he didn't care much about the other arrancar – not one of them had reached out to him in friendship – but still, he wondered.

"I really couldn't say." If Starrk had been wiser to the ways of the world he might have realized that _I can't say_ is very different from _I don't know._ But that was not the way his mind worked and it never occurred to him to question it. He nodded sadly, closing his eyes as he cuddled against his lover's side. He allowed himself to drift off and so missed the deep sadness on Shunsui's face. But then, if he had seen it Starrk would have wanted to know what was wrong.

So perhaps it was just as well.

* * *

The next day, Juushiro knew there was something very wrong with his fukutaichou.

Shunsui liked to drink, of course. Some said he was a functioning alcoholic and Juushiro regretfully thought they were right. His friend had crossed over the line from comfort to addiction some time ago. Why? There were so many reasons. Shunsui's heart held a great deal of pain…

He'd actually been cutting back a bit lately, though. Having Juushiro depending on his work had given Shunsui an incentive to pull back for the first time in centuries. Now, though, he was drinking heavily very early in the day. What had happened?

"Shunsui, what's wrong?" Juushiro asked, deeply concerned as he glanced over the sake bottles. Three of them, all empty. Shunsui looked up at him with glazed eyes.

"He doesn't know." That tone… Juushiro hadn't heard anything like it from Shunsui for almost a century. Quickly going to his friend, he gently put his arms around him.

"We knew that." He said softly as Shunsui rested his face against his shoulder, wetting the cloth of his haori with silent tears. "We knew he couldn't possibly know." Starrk had come to see Shunsui only a few days after the events in question. He'd been completely relaxed, open and cheerful. No one, from himself down to the lowest ranking shinigami, thought that Coyote Starrk was that heartless. So it followed that he did not know and Juushiro had completely forbidden anyone to discuss it around him. No one much wanted to talk about it anyway, so it wasn't very difficult.

"That's… different… from hearing it from him. He asked me… if Aizen was keeping his promise to Tosen. To make Soul Society a place of justice." Shunsui laughed and it was bitter and full of pain. Juushiro flinched at the sound, feeling his own pain. "Then he asked… if Aizen was making a golden age for the arrancar, or if they had just been forgotten. He has no idea."

"Oh kami." Juushiro whispered as his mind flashed back on recent events.

The arrancar had not been forgotten. Aizen had called them to himself, using the hogyoku that had created them. They had all come, helpless to resist. And in the sands of Hueco Mundo, he'd thanked them for their hard work and dedication in helping him achieve his godhood. Then, with a smile on his face, he'd ordered the shinigami to purify them.

And they had. They'd had no choice, even as the arrancar reacted to the betrayal with disbelief, pain and rage. The worst part had been the way the arrancar had fought against them. They hadn't understood it at first… three groups of arrancar had formed blocks, moving as they were being guided by a general and flung themselves at the shinigami lines, desperate to break through. At first Juushiro assumed that they were being organized by arrancar of some power. He'd only realized otherwise when they'd stalled the arrancar and broke through the block, reaching the centre.

That was where he'd found what had caused the hollows to work together. A female hollow, carrying a tiny child. The arrancar had fought like rabid animals to protect her and he still remembered the terror, the desperation on her face as the baby in her arms wailed, high and thin. When her protectors fell she had tried to protect the little one with her body, sobbing wildly.

Juushiro hadn't been able to do it. His whole body had locked up at the sight of a mother arrancar protecting her child. He hadn't even known they were capable of breeding… and then Aizen's voice had rung through his mind, reminding him that he had ordered them to purge all the arrancar. Not all but one. Perhaps he would have brought himself to do it but that had been taken out of his hands… Shunsui had done it for him, purifying the arrancar and her child with two quick blows. Purifying… it sounded so sanitary, and usually it was. Horrific monsters that vanished with the touch of a shinigami's sword. But not that day.

The experience had left new scars on them all. Juushiro wondered, wearily, if that was the point. Did Aizen want to wipe away their morality, rid the world of what he did not understand? Shape them into his own image so they would be fitting playthings for him? Perhaps, but he would never know. All he knew was that a river of sake could never blot away those memories, although Shunsui had tried.

"Aizen should be known as the Betrayer. He has betrayed… everyone." He said after a moment. The only one who didn't realize how deeply the betrayal ran was Starrk and perhaps, that was just as well. "Don't tell him Shunsui. It's kinder that he doesn't know." Starrk was the last of the arrancar and existed as Aizen's toy. What would happen to him, if the tyrant tired of him? It was very easy to guess. Shunsui choked on a sob, nodding. "Perhaps you should go home." He offered but Shunsui shook his head.

"No… I don't want to be alone. I want to be… with all of you. Remember why I did it." He said with glazed eyes and Juushiro winced, feeling guilt stabbing at his heart. He should have been the one to purify that arrancar. But he'd hesitated and his fukutaichou had done his duty to protect his taichou and the whole Division from Aizen's wrath. "All that keeps me going…"

"Then stay." He said gently, remaining beside his best friend. "I'll drink a bit and keep you company." The work could wait.

Keeping his best friend and fukutaichou from falling apart was far more important.

* * *

Starrk whimpered softly, tasting ashes in the back of his throat.

He was in so much pain. Floating in a sea of it, like a tiny dingy being tossed on the swelling waves. The pain ebbed only to return, rocking his mind with the suffering. He instinctively searched for Lilinette, because suffering shared was suffering halved, but could not find her. She was not there to help him. There was no one there for him, only the ashes and the smell of burnt skin and flesh, the air stirring the dust that drifted off him in a fine cloud…

But then there was someone there. Starrk felt something hard going around his throat, then more hard things on his wrists. That made the pain worse and he whimpered, but then he felt hands and power, caressing his body and dulling his pain. Vaguely, in the depths of delirium, he recognized it.

"Uno… hana…" He breathed her name, his voice sounding strange to his own ears. He opened his eyes but could see only a blur.

"He is very deep in shock. He needs to be taken to the Fourth." She sounded as she usually did, pleasant and kind. That reassured him and he closed his eyes again, letting himself relax and just enjoy the touch of her power. As he did, he vaguely realized what the hard things were for… to restrain his power when he was barely conscious. Without them he might have breached her barrier and killed her without even knowing.

"Hmm, yes. It seems I've been a bit too rough with him." Aizen. A hand gently stroked his hair and he nuzzled the skin without thinking. "But his pain and the way he endures it with such grace… such a unique and beautiful thing." A compliment. Starrk smiled weakly, appreciating the acknowledgement from his god. "Take good care of him."

"Of course, Aizen-kami." Unohana said and Starrk made a small sound of pain as he was eased onto a stretcher. Vaguely, he realized that there were more members of the Fourth in the room than just Unohana. She had brought assistants with her for just this purpose.

"This is disgusting –" Starrk heard a low, male voice say just before a female one interrupted.

"Shhh!" Then he was being lifted and Starrk moaned as all his wounds were aggravated. That hurt, everything hurt. He tasted the ashes again, felt the soft puffs as bits of skin and flesh sloughed away. He allowed himself to float away as they carried him, feeling comforted by their presence. He trusted the healers of the Fourth. Soon, he would be feeling much better.

Then he would be able to please Aizen again.

* * *

"Starrk-sama?" When he woke up again it was to the sound of a very sweet, female voice. Not Unohana taichou but someone else? Starrk opened his eyes to see a rather beautiful woman with silvery hair. "Would you like something to drink?" Starrk blinked as he realized his mouth was dry as a bone. He nodded slightly and she placed a straw between his lips. He sucked and half-closed his eyes in pleasure. The water was cold and tasted like ambrosia.

"Thank you." He said when he was done and she smiled at him although there was something strange in her eyes. Starrk couldn't really name it. "Ah… how long…?" He hoped he hadn't been unconscious too long. He was the strongest of the Espada, with the best regeneration aside from Ulquiorra. He should be doing better than this.

"Two days." She answered and Starrk blinked before trying to push himself up. Then he stopped with a groan as the pain registered again. "Oh please, don't move! You're still badly burned."

"I should heal faster than that…" Unless the burns had been truly catastrophic, life threatening. Starrk swallowed, tasting the ashes again. How close had his god brought him to death? "I – I will stay." He was too weak to move in any case. She looked relieved. "I… who are you?" He hadn't met her before.

"Kotetsu Isane. Please, let me check your bandages." She said and Starrk nodded as she began unwrapping him. There were so many. He glanced down, noticing the raw, weeping flesh before looking away. He didn't want to see the blood and the pus, the places that were being gradually rebuilt by his internal power. Her reiatsu brushed him with healing and he realized he was still wearing the retaining collar and cuffs. Without them, she could not have safely healed him at all.

To his slight surprise, he soon had a visitor. Shunsui smiled at him but Starrk could see the shadows in his eyes and the slight hollowness of his cheeks.

"Have you been eating lately?" He murmured, remembering how Juushiro often looked after an attack. Shunsui reminded him a bit of that. His friend and lover looked surprised for a moment before chuckling with genuine humor as he took a seat beside him.

"You worry about that at a time like this? Ah, Starrk." A warm hand gently touched his forehead and Starrk closed his eyes, just enjoying the closeness. "You almost died." There was a terrible darkness in Shunsui's voice, a helpless anger. Starrk opened his eyes again before shaking his head.

"No, I'm stronger than that. I won't die until Aizen-kami wants me to." He murmured and heard a sharp intake of breath. "…Sorry." It was nothing but the truth though. A hand went through his hair and Starrk smiled slightly as he felt that. Shunsui's touches brought him nothing but joy.

"You won't die at all, if I have any say in the matter." He said firmly and Starrk held back his thoughts… that it was entirely outside of his power. Shunsui undoubtedly knew that but was feeling protective despite it.

"Mmm. When I get out of here, can we go skating?" He hadn't done that yet but he'd observed some people doing it in a special park. Part of it had been flooded to make a skating rink and he'd overheard someone mention a canal. He'd already spoken to the servants and they had gotten him the special boots for it, the ones with the blades.

"Of course." Starrk smiled as weariness tugged at him. It was a natural reaction as his body worked hard to heal his wounds, but he didn't really want to sleep. No, he wanted to be with Shunsui. "I… uh…" He yawned, unable to stop it and heard his lover chuckle.

"Just rest. I'll keep you company." A hand took his and Starrk allowed himself to drift off, his eyes closing as he felt that comforting warmth beside him.

It was a beautiful feeling.

* * *

Starrk smiled as he kicked off against the snow, sliding easily over the ice of the canal. And not for the first time, he wished Lilinette was by his side. She would have loved skating.

She would have loved the canal. It was long and frozen, edged with skeletal trees and evergreens on the banks. People were everywhere, skating and selling hot drinks and food. Further down, there would be ice sculptures, all done on the canal. Starrk was taking his time getting there. They wouldn't be done yet and he wanted to see them at their full beauty. Well, and –

"Starrk! Please slow down!" Starrk flipped himself around and skidded to a halt as Shunsui tried to follow. "Ah, I'm no good at this."

"Mmmhm." That seemed a bit strange to him. Shunsui was such a master with his swords, moving with skill and grace. But put him on these blades – skates? – and he completely lost that grace. Starrk had completely mastered them within a few minutes. Of course, they were all different. Shunsui was a master at things he was barely an apprentice with. "Sorry." He said contritely before idly doing a few circles as Shunsui caught up. His shinigami lover gave him a severe look as he arrived, although there was a smile trying to break free.

"It's appalling, how easy you make it look." He said and Starrk smiled shyly. "And I'm sure you've never skated before today."

"True." He admitted and Shunsui shook his head. "But I could never lead people the way you do. We're just different." Starrk had observed him enough by now to know that Shunsui was a true leader. It was no wonder the shinigami didn't mind that he'd lost his bankai. His power had been important, but not the most important thing about him. Suddenly, Starrk thought about himself. His place among the Espada had always been based solely on his power. He'd always hated how it isolated him but if he no longer had that dreadful strength, what use would he be? Putting aside that uncomfortable thought, his slowed himself to a pace that Shunsui could easily manage.

"Ah, would you like a beaver tail?" Shunsui asked and Starrk blinked, wondering what a beaver was. And the pastry things being sold didn't look like they were the tail of an actual animal.

"They look good. But what is a beaver?" He asked and his lover chuckled as he purchased the pastries for them. Starrk bit into his, tasting brown sugar and lemon juice. Sweet and tart, it was delicious.

"A beaver is a small wetland animal. They build dams to make lakes, which they prefer to live in." He explained. "They have a very thick, wide tail, similar in shape to this."

"Ah." So the pastry was named that because of a resemblance. "Can beaver tails actually be eaten?" He asked curiously and Shunsui smiled, his eyes suddenly going a little vague.

"Oh yes, if you're hungry enough. Actually, it's rather good, although I think it would have been better slow cooked for many hours with a sauce of some sort. It was very fatty." He said and Starrk wondered when Shunsui had sampled it. It sounded like it wasn't the sort of thing shinigami normally ate. "I tried it a long time ago, when I was very young and a wilderness exercise got rather out of hand. Quite an adventure and nice to remember, but I would never want to relive it."

"I know what you mean." Starrk remembered the time Lilinette had tried to kick him in the gut and he'd moved precisely the wrong way. It was funny to remember but at the time he'd wished for death as she apologized to him over and over. Then he blinked as he realized thinking of her had not pained him. "…Hn." Starrk looked at the food in his hands and thought that Lilinette would have loved it. That thought hurt, but not as much. Was he recovering? Going on? That seemed wrong but… she was still with him, somewhere. A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up.

"Starrk?" Shunsui was looking at him in concern and he smiled reassuringly.

"It's fine. I was just thinking of Lilinette." He said before taking another bite of his pastry. Shunsui's eyes darkened and Starrk thought there was a flicker of guilt on his face. "I just noticed that thinking about her… didn't hurt. Not like it did before." He explained, hopeful that that would cheer him. It wasn't Shunsui's fault that she was gone. There was a flash of surprise, quickly followed by understanding.

"The pain does dull, in time." He said and Starrk didn't ask who he had lost. Kyoraku was quite old, surely he'd lost many people over the years. "Do you mind if we just eat here? I don't think I can skate and eat at the same time." He sounded a bit pained and Starrk couldn't help but grin.

"Of course." So they ate peacefully, just watching the people going by. No one had any idea there was an arrancar in their midst. Winter clothing did a very good job of hiding his hole and mask fragment. "I wonder… have you never done this before?" Shunsui was a thousand years old so that seemed odd to him. The other man shook his head.

"Oh, many times, but mostly when I was younger. Juushiro enjoyed it but these days, the cold reaches his lungs too easily. I thought of inviting Hitsugaya but I knew he would see it as being treated like a child." Shunsui sounded fond but also a touch exasperated with the small former taichou. "And now, of course, it's too late. Ah well." He finished his beaver tail, rolling up the small square of parchment it had come with. "Shall we?"

"Mrph." Starrk quickly finished his, enjoying the sweetness a final time before rolling up his own parchment and sticking it in his pocket. There was nowhere good to put it and just dropping it on the ice would be rude. They continued on their way, Starrk slowing his pace to something Shunsui could easily manage.

The ice sculptures were well worth going to see. They gleamed in the light, reminding Starrk of the crystal trees and formations of Hueco Mundo. But this material had been shaped into fantastical things and the hollow marveled at what he did not understand. But even if he couldn't identify half of what was there, it was beautiful. Diffidently, he asked Shunsui about one particular thing.

"It is a phoenix, a firebird. It's rather amusing, carving one from ice." He said with a smile and Starrk nodded. "They're a symbol of rebirth, though, so perhaps it is fitting. Soon the winter will be gone and the spring will come again."

"I can't wait to see the blossoms again." Although sometimes, he wondered if he would. He reached up to rub the newly healed burns, the tender skin on his chest. It was only mildly painful now, more of an itch than anything. But he feared that Aizen-kami was being more careless with him. After all, he no longer needed Starrk to fight. His primary purpose now was to please Aizen with his pain. Swallowing at the thought, he tried to concentrate on the ice. There was no point in dwelling on what he could not change.

"My ankles are getting tired." Shunsui said and Starrk nodded. He didn't feel anything there but he likely wouldn't, with his hierro to deaden the strain. "Would you like to come back to my place?"

"Of course." He said instantly. That meant they could have sex and his body tingled a little at the thought. Pleasure unmixed with pain… how he loved it. Although it might hurt a bit tonight. His body was still healing and very tender in many places.

He was wrong about that, though. As Shunsui began disrobing him he was so careful, tenderly caressing that discolored skin. Starrk enjoyed it but it also bothered him.

"You know, you don't have to be so careful with me." He said softly, running a hair through that warm chestnut pelt. He'd already freed Shunsui's hair from its tie, letting it fall around the other man's shoulders. "I don't mind if it hurts." Really, he didn't. Shunsui stopped for a moment, an odd expression crossing his face.

"Starrk… do you enjoy pain?" He asked, his tone curiously neutral. Starrk blinked at the thought.

"No." He answered instantly. Enjoy? No, although he often did find pleasure in what Aizen did to him. But that was in spite of the pain, not because of it. "I just want you to be happy with me. And Aizen says my pain is beautiful." Starrk blinked as Shunsui suddenly gripped his chin. His hand was warm but firm as he caressed his jaw.

"Don't you see how wrong that is?" Shunsui said softly and Starrk's breath caught in his throat as his chest seized up with pain. Tears pricked his eyes as he felt the truth of that statement.

"Y-Yes." He said hoarsely, feeling a deep, tearing anguish. And truths welled up, things that he knew. No, not things that _he_ knew. His shinigami soul had been protected when he was weak, shielded by his mother, as any good mother should do. And then he'd walked without fear, except of the treacherous fault lurking in his heart. Lilinette though… she had been a weak little thing and from her, he knew the meaning of that. "But when you are a weak little hollow, scavenging for scraps, and a larger comes and – and doesn't kill you immediately but _wants_ something from you, you have to do whatever they want. Mold yourself to them, make yourself… pliant… shape yourself to their desires in the hopes that they won't kill you." Starrk said softly, putting his arms around Shunsui and hugging the other man. The hand left his chin to stroke his hair as he heard Shunsui's breathe hitch. "And compared to kami, we are all weak little things."

"Oh Starrk. I'm so sorry." Shunsui said softly, with such pain and grief. "I know precisely what you mean…" Starrk was sure he did. Even if no one had held this powerful man at their mercy before, he would know the taste of it now. After all, everyone was weak compared to Aizen. "Let me take your pain away. Let me show you joy." That took Starrk's breath away. That… was beautiful.

"Shunsui." He murmured before kissing the man with a powerful intensity. Shunsui returned it with a deep passion. His hands were still careful, mindful of his wounds, and that brought Starrk a deep joy as he returned the attention. Then he did something he would never have dared to do with Aizen… he took the initiative, pushing Shunsui towards the bed. "Let me be on top. Let me take you into me as I ride you." He said, hoping Shunsui would allow it. From the smile on his face, though, he would more than allow it… he would encourage it.

"I would love that." He said and Starrk felt more lust than he had in his life. Vaguely, he wondered if Shunsui would ever allow him to be inside before squashing the thought. He'd never done that before and the thought of it terrified him. Resting his hands on Shunsui's shoulders, he pushed the man down. He went willingly, smiling up at him charmingly.

Starrk took the lube and prepared himself, gasping as hands went around his length, stroking him as he used the smooth fluid to slick his passage. He didn't do as thorough a job as Shunsui usually did, but he was impatient and didn't mind a bit of sting. He worked the same cream onto his lover's cock, savoring the heady groan the man beneath him gave at the attention. When he sank down on that organ there was pain but it was so mild, so meaningless compared to the pleasure that filled him. Shunsui thrust up into him and Starrk rested his hands on the other man's chest, staring into lust filled grey eyes as he moved his hips, matching their bodies together in an effortless dance.

"You feel… so good…" Shunsui said as he continued to stroke Starrk's cock, matching it to the rise and fall of their bodies. The arrancar above him gasped as his prostate was struck, filling him with wanton pleasure.

"You do… too…" Having Shunsui in his body felt right, perfect. Starrk bent down to kiss him, molding their bodies together as they mated. "I love you." He whispered to the other man, feeling it deep in his heart and soul. This was love, not the love of a father to a child, but the love of two hearts that chose each other for no reason but they could.

"Kami!" Starrk vaguely wished Shunsui hadn't said that, although he knew it was just an exclamation. But it hurt knowing Aizen held the heavenly throne. "I… think… I love you too…" That warmed his heart and Starrk smiled in joy as they continued to mate, their bodies meshing together seamlessly. There was no pain now, only that glorious pleasure building inside him. If it felt like this every time…

Starrk gave himself over to the passion then, just allowing himself to _feel._ The body beneath him, the heat in Shunsui's eyes, the lust on his face, even the breath of wind across his overheated skin from the slightly open window… everything was melting together in a confused jumble of oh-so pleasurable sensations. He gasped as Shunsui's hands teased and tormented him, his cock throbbing as the other man went into him harder and faster.

Curtains blew in a light breeze as they made love in the light of the moon. The bed creaked softly as they tasted each other, savoring every moment of the pleasure, the deep connection between them. Starrk felt his orgasm coming and cried out as that moment came, his whole body rocking with the force of it. He felt Shunsui's hands on his hips, a few quick, hard thrusts and then the other man's member pulsed inside him. Starrk stared into Shunsui's face, feeling the intensity of the moment, the heat in those stormcloud grey eyes, the pleasure on his face…

Feeling exhausted and wonderful beyond words, Starrk reached down to gently push away a bit of stray, sweaty hair. Shunsui smiled up at him and he looked so tired and content. There were no words to describe how he felt, so Starrk kissed him, giving all his feeling to that gesture. Warm hands went through his hair as Shunsui returned the passion, giving and taking in equal measure.

They had this. As long as they were both alive, they would have this.

hr

"Aizen-kami." Starrk knelt beside his master in the gardens.

It was spring now. He had seen the blooms just beginning to bud on the trees and the small flowers budding through the snow, something he was grateful for. He loved seeing the signs of life, the things that had always been absent in Hueco Mundo.

"Ah, Starrk. What do you think of my painting?" Aizen asked and Starrk obediently raised his eyes to the canvass. Then he swallowed. It was a picture of himself, sitting at a window and gazing into the distance with a small smile on his lips. And just in the distance, he thought he could make out a silhouette of someone else.

"It… is beautiful." He said after a moment, wondering if it was the right thing to say. But Aizen's talent with art had always been great and he had said Starrk was beautiful many times. There was a soft chuckle from kami and he remained completely pliant as his chin was gripped.

"The meaning of it is very obvious. A bit too much so, perhaps. But it is always best to know one's audience and you are not a very subtle person." He said with a smile and Starrk swallowed. That was certainly true, he tended to miss subtle things. "You know Starrk, I have been enjoying watching you." He said as Starrk felt a bolt of fear, freezing his lungs. "You are so sweet, always trying to grasp what is never quite within your reach. Yet, of all my arrancar, I think you are the one who might truly know what it means to feel love." Aizen's tone was musing and Starrk just waited, deeply worried about both himself and Shunsui. "I think that's why I kept you. The last arrancar…" _Last?_ Starrk felt a pain in his chest at that as a horrible suspicion struck him. But he couldn't ask. His position was too delicate for that. "Truly, you are beautiful. But I have kept you with me long enough. There is no place for your kind in my perfect world."

"A-Aizen…" Starrk couldn't stop a whine from escaping, a tiny plea for mercy. Aizen's smile widened and he could sense how pleased kami was at his fear and submission. A hand ran through his hair and he couldn't stop a small shiver.

"Calmly, Starrk. I am going to give you a reward." He murmured and the arrancar internally viewed that with a great deal of suspicion. That might only mean a swift death. "My apologies. This will probably hurt." He said before dropping his hand and abruptly reaching into Starrk's hollow hole.

The arrancar arched with a silent scream, his eyes going wide as he felt a pain like nothing he had experienced in his life. He felt like his soul was being torn apart, his very essence being ripped away… and it _was_ , but that was not the whole of what Aizen was doing. He was being reformed, _changed,_ and Starrk could hear the bitter snap of bone breaking.

Then, nothing.

* * *

Shunsui flash stepped into the Fourth, feeling a desperate fear that he was keeping carefully under control.

It always felt like this. He felt this way every time Juushiro had to go to the Fourth for his sickness. He'd felt this way when Nanao was wounded on a mission, when Lisa was hurt. The fear that he would lose someone dear to him, that the pain would sear his heart yet another time. He'd lost many people over the years but the sting of it never dulled.

Now he was feeling that fear for Starrk, yet again. Although he knew it was largely irrational… Starrk was right, he would not die until Aizen chose to kill him. And then there would likely be no body, certainly no trip to the Fourth. Still, he couldn't help but fear for the arrancar. Aizen might make a mistake someday…

This, though, was definitely not a mistake. Shunsui was confused for a moment as he stepped into the room and saw Starrk on the bed. He seemed completely unhurt, nothing like the hideous burns he'd suffered last time. But there was something… wrong…?

It took a moment for him to see it but when he did, his eyes widened. The arrancar's mask was gone. There was not even the slightest hint of bone around that beautiful throat. Stepping closer he gently touched the hospital gown, pulling it down just a touch and revealing Starrk's chest. There was no void, no aching emptiness there. Just smooth, untouched skin. Tentatively, he touched that spot and marveled at the firm flesh beneath.

"Shunsui." He lifted his head as Unohana stepped into the room. She'd probably felt his reiatsu. He was very good at hiding it and it was much easier with less to hide, but she was a master at sensing it. Her smile was warmer than the professional one she usually wore, which was a relief. Her professional smile could mask everything from pleasure to rage.

"What has he…?" He asked, still feeling stunned as he reached out his reiatsu sensing. Starrk's power was filling the room like a glittering wave on a sunlit sea, shiny and very powerful. It was also _not_ hollow. No, this power was pure shinigami.

"It seems that Aizen-kami has seen fit to purify Starrk-san's soul." She said and Shunsui's gaze snapped towards her. "He gave me this, for you." She offered him a note and Shunsui took it, feeling numb. He opened it and read the message, the elegant calligraphy.

_Kyoraku,_

_I have been watching you and Starrk together for some time. I truly believe that he might be the only hollow to really know the meaning of love. Yet, there is no place for him in the glorious future I have envisioned. So I have given him a gift. I have purified his soul, returned him to the shinigami he once was. He belongs to you now. Enjoy him._

_-Aizen_

That note gave him several emotions… a serious doubt that Aizen understood the meaning of love. Irritation that Aizen was still referring to Starrk as though he was a pet. But mostly, what he felt was a vast relief. If this note was true – could he trust it? – Aizen had lost interest in Starrk and was tossing his toy away, but with more consideration than usual. Instead of destroying the arrancar, he was giving him the possibility of happiness. Shunsui was too old to think it would be perfect. There were many shinigami who would likely hold Starrk's part in helping Aizen against him. But there were just as many who knew how kind he was and were indebted to him for his own return. Shunsui stared at the unconscious man before reaching out to gently brush his fingertips over his cheek.

"This is beautiful." He whispered, looking at the gentle rise and fall of Starrk's chest, the peace on his face. And he silently vowed to do his best to make sure this man never had to hurt again.

_This_ was beauty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So this is the good ending. Who wants to see the bad one? :) Mwahaha...


End file.
